Working alone as a chronic thinker and builder can often leave me feeling isolated and detached. While I understand that being a new hire comes with its challenges (like not fully having anyone's trust yet), it's incredibly alienating to be sidelined yet expected to innovate and create groundbreaking solutions. In a non-tech environment where brainstorming often takes a backseat to more conventional methods, I often find myself grappling with a lack of connection and support.
The contrast is stark between my desire for collaboration and the atmosphere that prioritizes artificial intelligence over human creativity. At times, it feels like I have literally no one to discuss ideas or setbacks with, which can turn the exhilarating journey of building into a lonely endeavor. It's essential not just for productivity but for emotional well-being to cultivate environments where innovative thinkers can share and grow together.
But then again, I'm a one-man team. I work with nobody. They give me task A and they expect me to do it myself.
The Chemistry of Collaboration
Reflecting on my past experience as a project manager working alongside developers - many of whom are also autistic - I realize how crucial that chemistry was to our success. We had something special: a shared understanding that allowed us to communicate openly without any hint of feudalism nonsense, brainstorm freely, and ultimately create amazing products together. Our conversations were filled with ideas, laughter, and a sense of camaraderie that fueled our creativity.
We didn't just build products; we built a culture of collaboration. every team meeting was an opportunity to explore new concepts, troubleshoot challenges, and celebrate our achievements. We pushed each other's boundaries, sharing insights and perspectives that enriched our work. I genuinely looked forward to these interactions, knowing that they would spark innovation and strengthen our team's bond.
The Emotional Toll of Isolation
The absence of that collaborative chemistry has taken a significant emotional toll on me. Without the buoyancy of team interactions, feelings of isolation and detachment have intensified. What once felt like exciting challenges now often morph into overwhelming tasks that weigh heavily on my mind. As expected, my thoughts spiral, turning into a cycle of self-doubt and frustration.
This isolation doesn’t just dampen my creative spirit; it feeds into my depression. The lack of validation and feedback from peers amplifies feelings of inadequacy. There's a gnawing sense that my contributions aren’t valued, which worsens my mental state. Dooming thoughts creep in, making it difficult to focus on the tasks I’m passionate about. In a remote setting where I’m expected to innovate independently, it becomes painfully clear just how vital a support network is for emotional well-being.
For lack of better words, I really miss my autistic friends... :(